Gallery 11 - Journey through my EMDR phases
In this gallery you will see images and representaions of the EMDR process I went through. In my mind everything I was processing was done through viewing film stripes of my life that I could fast forward or replay until they I became an outside observer of my traumas. These drawings and graphic represenations are the nearest I can come to producing visual descriptions of how the the process was for me. Many of the images and graphic representations, except the skinscapes and bodyscapes that can be seen in all the galleries come from the period I was undergoing EMDR.
Prior to EMDR I had lost my ability to visualise anything in my mind through fear. A dissociated fogue begins the process of coming out of that fogg phase. The beginning of the EMRD process was similar to the start of a dissociative episode. Images begin to appear from a grey hazy fog that resemble the split shots of a film strip gradually coming together to form a scene viewed as a graphic image of the strip being reeled forward.
Two shots of a bloodied battle I was piecing together. The film strip lasted for many minutes as it was gradually rolled out in my mind. At first the scenes were barely invisible through the fog. Embryoninc grey form emergeged into black abstractions tinged with the red of heat, rage and blood. As the 'film' went on natural form and colour slowly replaced the hazy abstractions. I became more ready to view reality. After many repetions of the EMDR process the impact of traumatic memories lessoned
During the 'bloodied black period' of recovery scenes fast forward and jumble up as bits of me hang together in random order
Being able to visual realistic and colouful images was an important aspect of my life that had been stolen by trauma and its resultant fear. Loosing this function though trauma was as delibiltating Processing trauma through the 'bloodied black phase' was heavy going. It was the longest phase. I thought I would never come out of it to retun to a time when I could visualise images that enhanced m life and well-being. I can visualise now thanks to EMDR.
The black and red gradually begins to turn into more realistic shape, form and colour as I gain trust in the EMDR process to guide me through traumas I needed to process. It took many months for me to reach a more realistic phase.